Ashtanga as Self-Care (in the Spiritual Practice of Life)
by Didi von Deck
Ashtanga yoga is a way of living. In the beginning, this may not be so clear. When you first start the practice, Ashtanga seems like a lot of poses and a lot of work. I liked it right away because of the movement. I liked moving in and out of postures and holding each pose for 5 breaths. Holding poses for a long time didn’t interest me. Doing yoga to “relax” sounded boring to me. I was immediately attracted to the physicality of the asana sequence. And the need to do the asanas a certain way in a certain order kept my mind absorbed in the practice. I couldn’t think of other things when I was practicing.
As time went on, I found I didn’t need to think about the poses so much, but somehow still my mind was totally absorbed in the breath and my body. Not an obsession with the body, but noticing. Noticing how I felt on a certain day. Noticing how things happening in my life affected my practice. Noticing that how my body felt played a role in how I made decisions in life. When I practiced, I could make better decisions. I could choose to respond to life’s ups and downs with thoughtful responses instead of knee jerk reactions. I noticed that worrying all the time--the same thoughts over and over--didn’t make the problems any easier to solve. So I let go of the worry. I found the space to pause. Ashtanga became a practice of self-care. Having time to practice every morning was critical as I raised my three kids and worked in an often stressful hospital environment.
Ashtanga as an 8 limbed path can be all-encompassing. Patanjali writes about the 8 limbs as the gateway to freedom, the road to finding your Truth. Richard Freeman jokes that as you practice the 8 limbs, you find that you can practice yoga 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He is serious, but for practitioners enthralled solely by the physical postures, his words seem odd.
But taking the time for your asana practice is important--an act of taking care of yourself. I used to worry that I was selfish to get up every day and practice. My husband and my kids soon learned that this is what I did. There was no compromise. Was this an obsession? On family vacations, I often practiced later in the day, clinging to the asanas in front of a motel TV my family would watch after dinner. But what mattered was that I practiced. When the kids were little, I practiced yoga in ballet and gymnastics changing rooms while waiting for their classes to end and often did standing poses surreptitiously on Saturdays and moon days--just to find my breath and quiet my mind. Why did I need to practice so much?
When Covid arrived, I found practicing Primary series at home to be especially nourishing. Never mind the poses from other series I had worked so hard to acquire over the years. I luxuriated in the grounding forward folds and sometimes did another physical practice later in the day. I spent a lot of time at home, doing my hospital work by calling patients on the phone. Elective surgery was canceled. I spent more time with my three daughters as they were home as well. Then in June, I went back full time in the hospital, in the clinics, in the OR, working harder than ever. In July, I started teaching yoga in the studio, requiring that I get out of bed earlier in order to practice before teaching. While on the outside, the schedule seemed the same as before the lockdown, it felt quite different. Longer hours in the OR, going to work regularly on days off, spending more time each evening with my daughters who were also navigating being home when previously they would have been at college or working or spending time with friends. While I continued my asana practice every day, I felt overwhelmed as I transitioned out of my home.
And then there was a shift. I found my pace. I realized that every connection I make with another human being--whether with a student, a friend, a colleague, a family member, a patient--is spiritual. Being in the OR is spiritual. Going for a walk is spiritual. Cleaning my home is spiritual. My everyday life is a spiritual practice. This way of being in my life is my Truth.
It starts with my asana practice. My Ashtanga practice works for me. I no longer feel the need to apologize for practicing. And while priorities shift throughout the months and years, I devote time on the mat, time spent breathing, time with myself and my body to nourish myself and my connections with the world. I listen to myself and do what supports me. Ashtanga is my self-care. I take Saturdays and Moon days off and noticing the effects of two days off when a moon day juxtaposes a Saturday emphasizes for me the importance of doing asana. And so I practice. For myself and for my connections in the world. For then all of life is a spiritual practice.
